Guide 05 · Relationships & Family
The Connected Life Guide
"How to keep the people closest to the work close."
Frameworks for Partnership, Family & Authentic Connection
Synthesized from 16 books · 7 connection tools · 2 newsletters · 11 sections · 6 appendices · reflection prompts throughout
The most consequential work you will ever do is relational. The Operator's leadership depends on trust. The Clear Thinker's emotional intelligence depends on empathy. The Steward's community table depends on belonging. This guide is about the human connections underneath all of it.
Someone doing the work of becoming a better partner, father, and human — bringing the same intentionality to relationships as to career, health, and finances.
"Love is a practice, not a feeling. Choose it daily."
The 10 Principles
Every section maps back to one or more of these. Return here when the work gets hard.
- 01
Know yourself first. You cannot offer what you have not examined.
Look inward.
- 02
Masculinity is not a performance. It is a practice of presence, courage, and care.
Do the inner work.
- 03
Difference is not the problem. Misunderstanding difference is.
Study each other.
- 04
Trust is built in small moments, not grand gestures.
Turn toward.
- 05
Conflict is not the enemy of love. Contempt is.
Fight fair.
- 06
Intimacy requires both safety and aliveness.
Hold both.
- 07
The eight conversations are never finished. Revisit them.
Keep talking.
- 08
Love is a practice, not a feeling. Choose it daily.
Show up again.
- 09
Fatherhood is modeling, not lecturing.
Be what you teach.
- 10
A family culture is built on purpose, not accident.
Design it together.
11 sections · 3 parts · 6 appendices.
I · Self — The Inner Work of Connection
II · Partnership — Building a Life Together
III · Family — Raising the Next Generation
Appendices
Books in this Library that informed this guide.
- Eight Datesby John & Julie Gottman
- First Comes Usby Anita Chlipala
- How to Be Marriedby Jo Piazza
- The Course of Loveby Alain de Botton
- On Loveby Alain de Botton
- Maybe You Should Talk to Someoneby Lori Gottlieb
- Usby Terrence Real
- The Way of the Superior Manby David Deida
- Iron Johnby Robert Bly
- The Daily Dadby Ryan Holiday
- How to Loveby Thich Nhat Hanh
- How to Love Betterby Yung Pueblo